DO YOU REALLY HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO?

This morning I found a long rant in a LinkedIn group, about a national magazine that doesn't pay all of its writers. How evil! I suggested an easy solution to this problem: If they won't pay, you don't submit there. Problem solved.

Of course, this answer won't satisfy many aspiring authors. They want the byline, to be sure, but they also want the validation that only a paycheck can bring. I get it. But there's a bigger picture here that most won't even consider.

Me, I've worked for free many times over the past 12 years. Every free gig has gained me recognition. Followed by multiple paid gigs. I've also had my blog posts lifted more than a dozen times (once by a national news magazine), without permission or payment. And in every case, those rotten thieves left my name on it, and a link back to my blog. With this, I gained tens of thousands of new viewers. (Google Analytics tells me so.) Some of them called me to offer paid work. Among that humber, some became repeat customers who then sent me referrals. 

YOUR FATE LIES IN YOUR OWN CHOICES

At the age of eight, I learned to swim at a Boys’ Club in Hollywood. My instructor, Ron Friscia, continued to be my mentor for several years. At sixteen, I took a class with the Red Cross to be certified as a WSI (Water Safety Instructor.) With this credential, I could secure gainful employment as a teacher, lifeguard, or coach. It seemed like a dream, to spend my days around a pool. Or a beach. And legions of pretty girls in skimpy suits. And get paid for it! What more could a young man ask for?

But then I did my research, and a hard dose of reality hit me: The career path for a WSI is very uncertain. The pay is lousy, and most jobs are part-time and seasonal. Beach duty pays more, and Baywatch made it look easy, glamorous, and sexy. But the work is grueling, and brings with it an elevated risk of skin cancer. Any long-term advancement would likely require extensive travel or even outright relocation.

MANAGING EXPECTATIONS

Last year, I attended sixteen writers’ events. After six years as a literary agent, this is my all-time high. Some were across town (Los Angeles), while others were across the country (Kansas City). Two weeks ago I was in New York City, and soon I will be in Orange County. 

I’ve come to expect at least one strange conversation with a writer in attendance, at each event. His language might be subtle or explicit, but one way or another, he accuses me of a crime. Not necessarily because of anything I’ve actually done, but because he has heard a horror story or three about agents. Surely we’re all the same, right?

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

Every time I speak at a writer's conference, I teach my students how to submit their work to an agent or publisher. I have a list of DOs, and a list of DONTs. Many of them think it's unfair that I might reject those who don't conform to the prescribed process. After all, the book might be good, and a less-legalistic (and presumably more virtous) agent might snap it up and I will miss out on a great opportunity.

Sure, that could happen. But I still need to follow a screening process, and I can't help everyone.

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MANAGING YOUR TIME

When I correspond with writers, and speak at conferences, one of the most common laments I hear is this:

“I pitched my book to 400 agents, and no one wants it!”

Yes, 400; that seems to be the magic number where many writers give up. They get frustrated, angry, resentful toward those rotten agents who wouldn’t give them a chance. As an author myself, I feel their pain. Yeah I know it sounds trite, but I’ve been there. Now that I’ve worked as an agent for a few years, I can view the situation from a different perspective.

Here's the part you don’t want to hear: You probably set yourself up to fail.

Let me explain.

HOW TO QUERY AN AGENT

Recently, on a respected publishing blog, a reader asked, “Is it permissible to query an agent by phone?” The expert answered no. I couldn’t agree more, and I am confident that you will get that same answer from most agents and editors.

The expert went on to give a long and convoluted reason for that policy, and I agree with most of it. But in my view, he severely overthunk it. I have a better reason:

Because I said so, and that should be enough. 

Here’s the thing: every agent has a process for evaluating submissions. Some want a one-page query, period. Some want a query and sample chapters. Some want a proposal and sample chapters. Still others are content to start with a Tweet. Some want a package by postal mail, others email. Attachments, or no atttachments? Whatever the case, this is how we roll. Almost every agency has a website with instructions on how to submit your work. If you want to catch our attention and maximize your chances, the best thing you can do is to follow instructions.

WANT AN AGENT? DON'T WASTE TIME WITH SILLY QUESTIONS

I am often intrigued by the writing/publishing advice that I see online these days. I’ve been working in this biz for almost 12 years now, and some of this stuff seems counterintuitive. Some silly and terribly misinformed. And some just seems…well…paranoid. You see a devil behind every door and distrust anyone who tries to help. Let's get past the defensiveness and find some real answers.

According to the blogs I’ve consulted in recent weeks, these are some of the questions you should ask an agent who agrees to rep your work:

What books have you sold recently, and to what publishers?

This info is probably available on the agency website; almost every agency has one. We agents love to boast of our sales one way or another, so it's hard to miss. You’ll find deal reports in Publisher’s Weekly and Publishers Marketplace. If this is important to you, respect your own time and look it up before you call me.